Ohhhh the holidays...

Well just like that, here we are in the midst of another holiday season. This time of year brings me a rollercoaster of emotions and memories every year. I guess that is why I don't get as excited about the holidays as my wife. She calls me the Grinch, because I don't burst at the seams with enthusiasm when it comes to all of the traditional "Christmas" activities. When I think of Christmas I think of having to scale a ladder with lights that never work until you find the one magic bulb that has to be replaced (which is like solving a Reubics Cube blindfolded with your hands tied behind your back) and stay there until mid-summer when my mother-in- law comes over and pulls the ladder back out. I think of the one Friday after Thanksgiving that I made the mistake of going to Best Buy at 5:30 in the morning so that I could get one of the 3 televisions that was on sale from $500 to $300. I figured since they opened at 6am I would pull a fast one on everyone and get there half an hour early to be first in line. YEAH RIGHT. What I saw blew me away. I saw a line of miserably tired looking people who looked like they had slept in the freezing cold all night. By 5:30 the line had wrapped all the way around the building...I drove home astonished. Later that day I braved the crowds and drove out there again (call me a glutton for punishment). When I finally got into the store I was surrounded by a feeding frenzy of consumerism. Everyone was rushing here and there with overflowing carts. People were arguing and fighting over who got to the surround-sound speaker system first. DVD's were scattered everywhere as the employees tried to clean and reorganize, only to be bum-rushed again. I felt sick. I felt even sicker as I passed the check-out counter on my way out. Every counter had long lines of people who were not oozing with Christmas cheer. They were waiting anxiously as someone wrote a check...further hindering them from expediting their shopping adventure. Some, I noticed, had pulled out the advertisements to the next store that they were planning on bombarding. This was the year that Tickle-Me-Elmo was causing soccer mom's to brawl in the aisles of Toys-R-Us stores all around the country, so I figured I would swing by the Toys-R-Us to see if it was as crazy over there. Like I said, I must be a glutton for punishment. I thought it was bad at Best Buy...haha...I had underestimated the compulsion to satisfy the screaming kid who "has to have that toy." I felt like a kid on his first trip to the zoo watching them feed the alligators. I wanted nothing more than to have a Tickle-Me-Elmo that I could throw high in the air in the middle of the store just to see what would happen (yeah, I know that's mean, but I guess the Holiday cheer had gotten to me). I think of the past couple of years and the financial pressure that came with having to buy presents for the whole family when we could hardly afford to pay our bills. We had just had our first child and Jessi had quit working. We were living in a 600 square ft. house that didn't even have insulation (which meant $300 gas bills to keep it heated to 60 degrees). But how do you explain that to your three year old niece? How do you tell your brothers and sisters and family and friends that you can't hardly afford food, and won't be able to buy them a present? You don't...that's what credit cards are for right...Merry Christmas! Well, I have never been in that situation in my life, and I hated it. I grew up in a wealthy home and we were always taught to give to others who didn't have. In fact, we used to call my mom the "Santa Clause of Mexico" because every year she would rent a U-Haul trailer and we would spend weeks wrapping all of the toys that she had bought for our Christmas trip to Mexico. We would fill up the U-Haul and the back of our Suburban with presents, and then drive down to the town where my mom had grown up. Every time we went down there she would take us to the little two-room house where her and her 11 brothers and sisters had grown up, on a little ranch. Then we would drive all over the little village and give out all of the presents we had wrapped. My mom is an amazing woman, and she always taught us to be generous with what you have. But one thing she never wanted us to have to learn was how to receive when you don't have. This was something that I learned in those couple of years, early in our marriage. God showed me that it was a pride issue if I wasn't willing to receive when I was in need. He also showed me that just as it is a blessing to me to share with others, it is a blessing for others to give to me, and that I should not allow my pride to rob someone else of that blessing.
I guess there a lot of things I think about when it comes to the holidays and I could probably write another ten pages about it, but I think it comes down to this...we live in a society that has turned the celebration of the birth of Jesus into a consumer-driven excuse for self-indulgence. Is Christmas wrong...no way! Is it bad to give or even get gifts...not at all! I just pray that we never lose sight of the reason for the season...that He was the greatest gift I ever received and that I need to share that gift with as many people as possible. Presents are nice, and even Christmas lights can be beautiful and enjoyable. We will get a tree, and the joy of our Christmas will be experienced when we gather around that tree as a family and decorate it together. We will laugh and goof-off, and create our own traditions within our home. On Christmas Eve I will sit my kids down and read, "The Night Before Christmas" to them. We will open presents and enjoy our new things...but at the end of the day, or better said, at the end of the season, I hope that we walk away reminded of the true reason we have Christmas; because God gave us the greatest present ever when he gave his own son, Jesus. Christmas is not about receiving, it is about giving, and family, and love. If I ever teach my kids anything about the holidays, I hope I teach them that things come and go, but people are important. Give to others, not out of obligation of materialism, but out of what you have, and out of the love you have for God. When you have alot, give a lot. When you don't, give what you can, and be willing to receive. I hope to teach them that Christmas is about "Christ", not "mass".

Missing the blog

Man, it feels like it has been forever since I have had a chance to make a new entry. So much has been going on. I keep "meaning to" post an entry and then something comes up. So anyway...three weeks later, here I am. So where do I start? Well, a few weeks ago I took my son Elias to see the Wiggles live at the coliseum. To give you a little background, the Wiggles are four guys who dress up in primary colors and sing a bunch of silly songs for kids...they are like the new Barney. My two and a half year old son Elias is absolutely in love with them. In fact, he is on the border of being obsessed with them. His grandparents make sure that he has just about every Wiggles toy that has ever come out...He has a Wiggles tent (that consumed 1/4 of my dining room on a permanent basis until a couple of weeks ago), a Wiggles pillowcase, and every (yes every) Wiggles DVD that has come out. We knew the Wiggles were going to be a part of our home when Elias was about 9 months old. He had seen them a few times a his grandma's house and Jessi had been astonished at how he just sat there for the entire show. So we bought him a DVD of the Wiggles. A few days later, he had a terrible fever and was up for hours screaming and crying. At about 3 in the morning, completely wore out, I decided to take him into the living room and watch TV while he screamed. When I saw the Wiggles DVD on the entertainment center I decided to give it a try. He immediately quit crying and watched it. We watched it several times in a row until he fell asleep. Thus, the Wiggles became a part of our home. Well almost two years and 10 DVD's later, Jessi and I heard they were coming to town. So we quickly bought the best available tickets (balcony because they sold so quickly). For weeks Jessi and I had to fight the urge to tell Elias where he would be going. A couple of days before the concert we let him know that he was going to be getting a big surprise. The day of the concert Jessi and I were so excited that we had to keep reminding each other to not spill the beans. All I could think of was how awesome it was going to be for Elias to experience the concert. Just thinking about how much it would mean to him made me smile from ear to ear. On the way there, Jessi and I even found ourselves singing Wiggles songs with him and doing the motions and everything. We were so excited as we carried him and Kaelin (our 9 month old daughter) into the coliseum. As we entered he noticed the huge set-up on the stage and then as we found our seats he became very excited as he saw a promo video on the screen. But he still had no idea what he was about to experience...but we did. Jessi and I just kept looking at each other and smiling, bursting with joy over the surprise that our son was about to get. Then out came the Wiggles. Elias (who had been sitting on Jessi's lap) shouted, "Look mommy, the Wiggles", as he leapt to his feet and pointed at the stage. His eyes lit up as he began dancing on her lap and singing the songs. Even Kaelin (who doesn't really seem to enjoy t.v. at all) began to smile and try to clap. As we sat there that night I realized two things...1. As much as this meant to him right now, ten years from now Elias probably won't even remember this event. But it was worth it to see him enjoy it for the moment. I think Jessi and I enjoyed giving him something he loved so much even more than he enjoyed experiencing it. That led me to my second realization...2. As much as I love giving Elias this surprise, my love for him pales in comparison to God's love for him, and for me. As I sat there watching my son bounce up and down and sing all the songs, God showed me a picture of how much he loves me. The following two scriptures kept coming to my mind, " If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11, and "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 Wow, thanks God...You are so good to us. How many times have you done something so amazing for me, only for me to forget it a couple of years, or months, or weeks, or days down the road when I run into some adversity or problems. God is SO good.

Pop's stops by for a visit

Yeah, so this past Saturday night was amazing. First of all, we had the most people that we have had yet (except for our first service when all of our friends came out to send us off). There were 102 people there. It was awsome. It just amazes me to think that we have started with a Core Team of only 28 Covenant Partners (our version of membership) and in just six weeks we are seeing this many people come around. Then, we got to celebrate the baptism of 7 new believers that night. On top of this, our good friends at the BGAV showed up to give us a grant for $30,000. Then, to top it all off, my dad, uncle Arnie, aunt Nilda, and cousin Lucas came in town that night for a visit. They were supposed to be there for the service, but D.C. traffic wasn't cooperating with their time schedule, and they made it just in time for the last part of the service. But at least they were able to meet everyone. They were blown away by how happy everyone was, and all of the nice things they had to say about the church. It was kinda weird having part of my family there. It is just not something that I am used to. I mean, ever since I have been involved in church (since age of 14), it has been something that I have done independent of my family (not because I wanted it that way). My older brother Jason is the only member of my family who ever got involved with church while I was in the house. Well, then I moved out when I was 16. It was especially interesting having my dad (actually my stepdad, but he and my mom raised me so I have always called him dad too) there. He and I had a pretty interesting relationship while I was growing up. I was the problem kid for most of my young life, and he was the underappreciated stepfather. He did what he could, but looking back I see that I did a pretty good job of pushing him away during my rebellious childhood. So we have never really been "close". The day that I moved out though, things seemed to change between us. The longer I have lived away from home, the more I have come to respect him for what he did. He put up with me (not easy), he provided for me, and he disciplined me. As an adult, I now greatly value the fact that he played that role for me. However, like I said, we were never really that close. And my real dad (who always did as much as he could for us) lived in Wisconsin and was very limited in his ability to be involved in our lives after we moved to N.C. when I was 6. So the father situation has always been a weird place for me. So, having him there at my church was a new experience. Part of me was like, "Look dad, aren't you proud?" but part of me was like, "Welcome to Freedom Life Church, my name is Pastor Freddy and I'm glad you could be here." I know that probably sounds weird, but my faith walk has been so independent of my parents that I often find myself looking to God as my spiritual parent, and seeking His afirmation, instead of the affirmation of my earthly fathers. When God tells me He is proud of me, it is the greatest feeling in the world. I can remember longing to hear my earthly father (either of them) tell me that about anything for so long...but then one day God said it to me and I realized that was the voice I had been longing to affirm me all this time. Maybe that is why every night when I lay Elias down I tell him the same two things...first I tell him that I love him and that I think he is a good boy. And then I tell him that I am proud of him. The other day he looked at me and said, "Daddy, I'm proud of you." I don't know if he even knows what that means yet, but he will never know what hearing him say them meant to me! To know that those words are so familiar to him that he repeats them. I know that Elias (and eventually Kaelin too) will always know that I am proud of them for what they are becoming, but my prayer is that they will always truely know that their Father in heaven is proud of them and cherishes them more than I ever could. Well it's late, so I am leaving the office and going home... Peace

to everything turn, turn, turn...there is a season

Yeah, so I just got done reading some of the recent posts on our on-line discussion forum and I am as emotional as a kid on Christmas morning. The past two weeks have been a roller coster of excitement and hardship, joy and pain. It has been such a blessing to see fourteen people come to know Christ at Freedom Life in just eigth days. At the same time, I have been facing some definite places of growth both personally and professionally. Someone once told me that you should not go into ministry if you can be happy doing any other thing on the planet. I didn't fully understand what they meant at the time, but over the past three years I have begun to see it more and more clearly. It is an emotional rollercoster! It is a constant battle between good and evil and you are thrown right into the middle (along with your family and closest friends). It can be the most amazing and uplifting experience in the world, and absolutely confining and lonely in the same week. On one end you can be experiencing a move of God that is so powerful that you are brought to your knees in humility at the very idea that God has allowed you to play even the littlest role in it. Then on the other end, you can be under such persistent attack of the enemy that you are brought to your knees in utter frustration as you cry out to God to vindicate you. In the same eight days that our church has seen fourteen people come to know Christ as their Savior, I have experienced so of my roughest opposition yet from the devil. He is smart enough to not come at me directly- because I understand who I am in Christ, and it would be an ugly encounter for him- see Colossians 2:13-15, and Ephesians 6:10-17. But he has been very active through situations in my home and church. But at the end of the day, no matter how encouraged or discouraged I feel, and no matter how excited or not I am, I just rest in the fact that I am simply doing what He has called me to do, and that He will take care of the rest. Then I hear from the hearts of the people in my church, about what God is doing in their life...and it reminds me that it is all worth it! Who cares about temporary frustrations when there is eternal rewards! And this is why I must remind myself that the calling is not based on how I feel, but on what He has done. It is not based on who I am, but who He has made me. It is not based on my inability, but His ability. It is not based on how this week or that week has gone, but on what is of eternal value. It is not based on me...BUT on HIM! I am so thankful for what He is doing in my life, my family, and my church. He is so worthy, and I cannot image being at all satisfied doing anything else on this planet than what I am doing right now. I thank God that He blessed me with the privilege of serving as the pastor of Freedom Life. So bring on the rollercoaster. I am buckled in and ready for the ride. In fact, I even brought money to buy the overpriced pictures at the booth afterwards. In the words of a famous wrestler, "Just Bring It".

(to the reader) If you are reading this and have been experiencing discouragement as you try to do what God has called you to do, let me share with you one of my favorite scriptures,
" I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus" 1 Timothy 1:12-14. That scripture tells us that before God ever called you to something, He looked at your entire life and decided that you were faithful enough to handle it. So don't believe people or opposition...Believe God! You can do it.

"Thank you for choosing this rollercoaster today. Be sure that your saftey belt is securely fastened and your saftey harness is locked. Please be sure to keep your hands lifted in praise to God. Have a nice trip and enjoy your ride..."