Missing the Mission Trip

Yeah, so right now I am sitting on my recliner in my living room watching some reality show about Grease, The Musical. I just got off the phone with Pastor Amilcar Martinez, my Honduran counterpart. My heart is grieving, because as I sit here in my living room, staring at my plasma tv that is mounted on the wall, that features overly feminine men singing Grease songs with perfectly tuned voices that spill through my Sony surround system...I am supposed to be sitting in Pastor Amilcar's little living room...in his little, un-airconditioned house, with the windows open so it doesn't get too hot, as one of his daughters brings me a glass of juice or soda that he bought that day, even though he really didn't have enough money too, just because he knew we would be coming over and couldn't drink his tap water.
But things happen...life happens, and at the end of the day, I am sitting in my living room because I chose to back out of the trip. "Why would you have done that?" you might be wondering...because of the son I just laid down for the night after his bath...because of the other son who is laying on the couch watching this reality show (he loves this show, American Idol, and the Food Network, and of course, anything Disney), and because of the amazing little girl who has snuggled up with me in the recliner, pushing herself right past my laptop to claim her spot at my side on a recliner that I have no problem filling up by myself. She says she wants to see what I am doing, but she isn't...she really just wants to sit next to me...and that is all the excuse she will ever need to have...
As the days before the trip ticked away, I was torn as the excitement I had about hitting the mission field and visiting the church that Freedom Life has helped start in a little mountain village of Honduras once more, slowly began to be replaced by the anxiety of the thought that I might be leaving for a week at a time when my children really need me to be there for them. The more I prayed for peace, the more anxiety I got when I thought about pushing forward with going on the trip...until finally, the only thought that gave me any peace was skipping this trip and staying here to focus on my first ministry calling...my family!
There is really only one thing that gets me more excited then leading people to Christ...and that is leading my children to Christ, and raising them in a way that they will lead more people to Christ than I ever could have imagined impacting in my life. (Sorry had to take a quick break there, the guy who made it to the next round of the show started singing, "Fools Rush In", so I stopped and sung it to Kaelin, as she attempted to sing it back to me complete with hand motions she made up) Yeah, it was the right choice!
I hear so many horror stories about kids who grew up with ministers or deacons as parents, about how there parents were so busy at church that they got left right out of the equation. And that was there first impression of God. I can't think of a greater tragedy. So anyway, things have been tough on them lately, and I am here...on my first mission field...leading three little children to Christ...not just because it's the right thing to do...but because it is what I choose to do.