The Cure for "Center of the Universe" Syndrome

So I was thinking this morning about how so many people in our society today have gotten trapped in the "center of the universe" syndrome. You know what that is right. It is that mindset that seems to brainwash us during our teenage years when we become convinced that the world revolves around us.

Well, in the past, people have grown out of that around the time that they graduated high school and realized how much bigger than them the world was. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. All you have to do is venture to your local fast food restaurant to see how apparent this syndrome is in our society. Not sure about anyone else, but it has gotten to the point where I feel like I am asking the person working the drive-thru for a personal favor when they take my order. And heaven forbid I have to change the order because one of my children changed their mind. First you here the loud sigh, followed by, "Look man, just pull up to the window." That is actually code for, "We are going to spit in your food now!"

So anyway, this morning I realized that I have discovered the cure for this plague. Having babies. Well, you see, it was very cold this morning and after crawling over Ty to get out of my bed (he decided last night that he needed to sleep in my room; sideways with his foot on my neck apparently), I jumped into a hot shower. Ahhh, 15 minutes of peace and quiet after unknowingly sharing my bed with one of my three kids.

You see, every morning I wake up with anywhere from 1 to 3 of my children crammed right next to me in the bed. They are smart. They have learned that if I am still awake when they try to sneak in I will carry them back to their own beds (where they are supposed to sleep). So now, they have adjusted the internal mechanism that wakes them up at night, so that they don't sneak into my bed until I am far too asleep to wake up. So then, around 4 or 5 a.m. I wake up because Kaelin, or Ty, or even Eli are telling me to stop snoring so they can sleep. WOW, didn't mean to impose. As if this wasn't enough, even though I have a king size bed with enough real estate to sleep 15, they always, yes always, end up crammed right next to me (usually one on each side), forbidding me from rolling, adjusting my covers, or even stretching. I am a roller! I am a cover-adjuster! I am a stretcher!

So anyway, back to this morning. I had snuck away for a warm shower on a cold morning. My 15 minutes of peace and quiet before the chaos of the day. Well, as any smart person knows, the key to a warm shower in the winter is no ventilation fan and a water tight seal on both the bathroom door and the shower curtain. So, having spent exactly enough time in exactly the proper water temperature to transform my restroom into a sauna, I approached the exit plan of phasing from hot water to misty room. Step one of the exit plan- unseal just enough of the shower curtain to grab the towel and then quickly re-seal the curtain after the towel is in hand. Step two- dry off all water, preparing for a smooth transition into the steam phase. Step three- slowly open the bathroom door after fully dry, allowing cold air to intertwine with the sauna air as your inner temperature adjusts to the "un-sauna" air of the rest of the house.

Well, there I was, wrapping up step one of my morning escape into "Freddy-ville", preparing for the critical transition into phase two when I heard the dreaded noise of someone fiddling with the doorknob. That someone stood about 2.5 feet tall. I could hear the door swing fully open, and then little feet scampering into what was previously my steamy oasis.

"Daddy, you take shower". Ah, the familiar voice of Ty-Ty, my soon to be 3-year old son. "Yup. Close the door son!" was my loving reply. I couldn't see it, but I imagined all of the steam rushing out the door and all of the cold air of winter flooding in around Ty's little body. "Daddy, you all done?" Now he was just mocking me, I'm certain of it! "Yup. Did you close the door yet son?" Then, to add insult to injury, I heard those little feet scamper off....but no closing of the door!

Welcome to reality. There is no "Me-ville" with babies. The cure to "Center of the Universe Syndrome".