Ogres Have Layers

So, the other day I was watching (or I should say listening to) Shrek in the car while the family and I were driving somewhere and I heard a dialog between Shrek and Donkey, where Shrek explains that Ogres are like onions, in that they have layers. Unlike Donkey, who wears everything on his sleeves, (or fur I guess).

Well recently I have been dealing with some "layers" of my own. About a month ago Carrie Pollock, the head of our prayer ministry at the church, told me about a philosophy that a famous preacher from the early 1900s named Smith Wigglesworth had. His basic goal in life was that everything that wasn't "Jesus" in his life would be melted away, so that all that would be left when people saw him was the Jesus in him. With this goal he regularly fasted, prayed, and preached with boldness everywhere he went.

Well, after that conversation I started asking God to work on me too. I asked him to start showing me the things in my life that need to be addressed. One of the first things that I realized I needed to deal with was my approach towards food. Gluttony is my sin of choice; comfort food being my drug of choice. So I started working on that and am glad to say I have lost like 13 pounds already. I have fallen in love with going to the gym again, with the goal of being around to see my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

So then, just as I am focusing on the whole food thing, another "layer" got presented to me. I am a very competitive person. I enjoy playing football, softball, golf, fantasy football, video games, and anything else that can be somehow turned into a competition. But I am especially competitive when it comes to flag football. In fact, there have been several times when I had to go back after a game and apologize to someone on the other team or to the refs for my bad attitude during the game. Well, last week I discovered something even deeper related to this. Last week I was at my son, Eli's, baseball game and I became "that parent". You know, the obnoxious parent who cares more about his kid winning than the kid does.

So yeah, there I was at a little league game, complaining when the coach moved "our best player" to a different position that was not advantageous to "our team securing the victory". I cheered like a maniac when Eli got a hit, and I was sure to offer corrective instruction when he did something incorrectly (by yelling it from the bleachers where I sat). As my wife lovingly pointed out, "Freddy, relax, they are a bunch of 7 and 8 year old's. Do you realize how you are acting?"

Later that night when I brought up my frustration with the situation (even though Eli's team won both games and he went 5 out of 7 batting), she began to quote back to me some of the things I had said and asked me to consider how the others kids parents might have felt if they had heard me. For example, "They need to put _______ back on first base, instead of ______. He is our best player, and we are giving up to many plays at first base."

Ouch! Getting a "layer" peeled off doesn't feel good. Vulnerability and self-examination can be pretty painful. But there I was realizing I had acted like a jerk. Now the deeper question....why?

It was through this inner searching that God showed me (with the help of my wife), that I have become one of those over-compensating men who was trying to capture the glory that they were not committed/disciplined/ or skilled enough to capture as a youth (football). And I have become one of those overcompensating dads who is trying to be over-involved for his kid (Eli's baseball game) out of the hurt that my own parents were never involved/ supportive/ or available when I was involved in sports as a kid.

All this to say that as I recognize these deep rooted issues, I have the opportunity to address them. I got to have a long talk with Eli, and I apologized to him for my behavior at his games. He smiled at me and said, "Well dad, you can still yell out the encouraging stuff. I still need encouragement you know!" LOL. That kid is sharp! So we now have I deal. I am allowed to say, "Good job, Nice Try, Almost", and even, "Run Eli", after he gets a hit (since he forgets sometimes to run right away). But I must reserve all my "pointers", and "helpful tips" for after the game or during practice (per Eli, haha).

As far as football and my involvement in other sports I have decided that if I cannot keep a healthy attitude I will just need to stop playing that sport. I will play sports, but they will not play me :)

I think the biggest thing I was reminded of through this whole thing was the power of being able to apologize to our children. Our children know that when we are obviously wrong about something whether we admit it or not. When we apologize to them we demonstrate that we care enough about them to address our wrong behavior. That means something to children. Even little children. God showed me that I was actually teaching my son the process of repentance by demonstrating it in my own life. Man, that is exciting!